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Admittedly, I’ve recently been lovelife-crazy. I attribute this to some recent heartaches and being surrounded by people who love each other. Oh, and weddings. There have been quite a lot of them recently. AND THEN I STUMBLED UPON THE VIDEO ABOVE from Francis Chan.
This really made me think about my relationship with God. I mean, I’m in love with Him. I love Him more than anything in this world. But, do I show it? Why am I willing to sacrifice everything for a boyfriend but not for God? Why do I talk to crushes with utmost excitement while I talk to God as if I’m bored and just required? When people tell me that they love me, I suddenly set these standards expecting them to show me how they love me. If I can feel that way, I think I should set the same standards for myself in terms of my love for Him.
I’m in love. I will show that.
The world has gone crazy over the day they call Valentines. No one can blame them. To spend a day with your loved one is one thing, and to celebrate the season of love with the whole world is another. I envy them, and I say it on a positive note. Nothing in this world can compare with the overwhelming feeling of having your partner beside you while you’re watching movies together, listening to sweet music, sharing a sumptuous meal or just inhaling the pollution while walking holding hands along EDSA (a main road here in the Philippines).
I am still single, and the most recent romantic relationship I had was about four years ago. An acquaintance’s usual question when they hear of my failed love story is a startling, “Buti nakayanan mo?” (“How did you make it?”) as if my life was dependent on it. In a world where even grade school students can already share techniques on how to court a lady, I can say that I’m living beyond normal. Living as a 24-year old single during these times is odd when everybody expects you to be in a relationship.
Of course I can’t deny that there are times when I wonder what in the world my future partner is doing and what’s taking her so long. But at the end of the day, I am always reminded that my waiting will soon be over and I will no longer celebrate Valentine’s solo or on group dates (though that’s a great thing too). And when that day comes, I can surely say that my long wait will be nothing compared with the joy of finding my future mate at last.
But how am I able to “survive” the catastrophe – the pressure, you may ask? It’s simple. I don’t think of my singleness as a survival but as a blessing. Singleness is a gift, as Joshua Harris puts it. I look at it as a wonderful gift indeed! Let me count the ways:
1. I have the luxury of time to do the things that I love to do. I manage my own schedule without consulting anyone but God. I don’t have to rush through heavy traffic just to comply with the “hatid-sundo” (take girlfriend to her home) routine. I can invest my time doing things that I cannot do wholeheartedly should I have a girlfriend. Of course, accomplishing things with a special someone is equally fulfilling and fun but a single-minded service to God and to people has its own set of rewards.
2. I can still prepare myself for the future. Singleness is the best season to practice being loving, to practice being responsible, and to practice being a good listener. If marriage is a battlefield, I don’t want to enter into it without ammunition. While I’m still single, I try to cultivate myself to be the most loving, responsible and most admirable husband and father in the world. I want to do my future family a favor by being someone they would be proud of. It’s also the best season to invest so when the time comes when I have to comply with the “hatid-sundo” routine, at least I’ll do that with my own wheels.
3. I have peace of mind. I’m not implying that those who are in a relationship don’t have peace of mind but the moment you give a part of your heart to someone, remember that you are also giving away part of your life. Your life will not just be yours alone but you have to consider the needs of your partner too. Indeed, it’s a blessing when you know that someone is looking after your interests, but unless you are prepared to answer frequent “how are you?” and “what are you doing?”, don’t run after it. Love involves sacrifice, even your own comfort zone, for the sake of the other party.
There will always be boredom and seasons of doubt while you’re single. It’s an undeniable fact. But when you know what your standards are, when you know it’s all worth the wait, when you are convinced that Jesus is with you as you wait, there will always be strength and joy and peace available when you need it. Jesus doesn’t call us to wait in vain, to wait for the sake of waiting. He calls us to wait upon Him so we can soar on wings like eagles, always with renewed strength and confidence. And all of this waiting is for His glory, the ultimate purpose of everything, even our own love stories.
I don’t want to join the gang of people contributing to the rampant increase in the demographics of failed marriages so I’m not rushing things up. This, I guess, is the best expression of love I can give to my future spouse. Love is not a race so I don’t need to overtake others. The goal of every love story is not to have the most romantic dates, or the most admirable wedding ceremony, or the most expensive honeymoon package available, but the “through thick and thin, sickness and health, good times and bad times” journey beyond it. Now that the world has reduced love to a feeling – a mushy feeling void of the commitment and responsibility, I have to go against the flow and seize this gift of blessed singleness God has entrusted to me and exchange it someday with the most God-glorifying love story, all in His perfect time.
by Martin Valenzuela // photo from Creationswap, edited for S&L
Kids,
There’s going to be a time in your life where your friends will probably make you do something you’re not comfortable doing—something against your principles, your belief, and even the good values that I taught you. You’ll know in your gut that something’s amiss but you’ll think to yourself that it’s your friend—and not just any other person—asking you, and you’re not quite sure how to tell him that, “Hey, this is bad. I don’t want to do it, and neither should you go through with it.”
Well, kids, let me tell you, that saying YES isn’t always good. Sometimes, a NO is what you need to give. Let me tell you my story.
See, it all started out when my friend, your uncle Ted, asked me to send flowers to a girl he liked while he was still in a relationship with another friend of mine, your Aunt Lisa. It wasn’t much of a big deal to me at first. Anyway, Ted was my friend, and along with the flowers he was sending was a letter saying that he’s ending things with the said girl while he hasn’t fixed things with your Aunt Lisa. Sounds pretty noble.
I was okay with this at first, but it was when I was about to swipe my credit card that I had this feeling in my gut. It was like God sending a kick to my stomach saying, “You know this is bad. Don’t do it.”
So, kids, I took a step back and thought how I would feel if your Aunt Lisa helped your father send a letter to a girl he was seeing while we were still together? It wasn’t hard to figure out that I’ll feel bad. So, I stepped away from the cashier that time, called your Uncle Ted, and told him that he should end things properly with the girl—no flowers needed—and fix things with your Aunt Lisa.
Kids, let me tell you, helping a man cheat, steal, or do things that you know are not right is the same as doing it yourself. It’s like aiding in a murder or a robbery or a mass conspiracy. Either way you put it, wrong is wrong and you have to stand up for your beliefs, else the opportunity to do something wrong will always come knocking.
It was a good thing that I didn’t give in because at that very moment where I turned back, that was one of the moments that got me closer to meeting our Father—who sets a pretty good standard on doing what is true, good, and right in both minor and major circumstances in life.
“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.” - Galatians 6:1
(photo from CreationSwap; edited for S&L)
♪ ♫ ♬ Looking in your eyes I can see a paradise….
This world that I found is too good to be true… ♪ ♫ ♬
It was our song.
He was perfect, to me, at that time. It was like a dream come true. I’ve never met any guy like him. It was the only time in my life that I thought I could settle down.
He was my best friend. We were like two peas in a pod. Same taste in music, same weirdness—we were so comfortable together that even in silence it was like we were talking. He knew what I thought, I knew how he thinks.
I started to think he was my soulmate and that this could be the guy I could marry. We did feel that nothing could stop us and we were what each other would ever need. All the tests we took indicated that we were well beyond compatible for each other.
But we were both immature and impatient. We’re both allergic to commitment and the thought of being tied down to a relationship. We were too alike that it started to work against us. He and I both had the highest pride. No one wanted to concede in anything. We were stubborn and proud, and that stopped us.
And then it started falling apart. What I once thought could last forever, apparently didn’t.
♪ ♫ ♬ Standing here beside you want so much to give you….
this love in my heart that I’m feeling for you… ♪ ♫ ♬
He and I drifted apart. Further, and further apart until all of a sudden I found this wall of cold apathy in between me and my bestfriend.
I went out of my way to live a wild life. A fun life just to prove that: Hey! I can live without you, and in fact my life is way better without you. And he, in turn did the same thing. We saw other people—we saw a lot of people.
And I think, the most painful thing about drifting apart is that i was so easy to say sorry, or “let’s stop this, because I really do love you” but we chose our pride over our emotions.
♪ ♫ ♬ Let them say we’re crazy, I don’t care about that….♪ ♫ ♬
Years passed. We still weren’t together, and neither were we with anyone else. Both alone, a little miserable. One was drinking it away, the other just aimlessly working and trying to achieve things. Both feeling empty. Both, really empty.
♪ ♫ ♬ Put your hand in my hand, baby, don’t ever look back.
Let the world around us just fall apart. ♪ ♫ ♬
Until the time that we found Christ and the True Love that He stood for. It was one fateful Sunday, that I suddenly found myself going to church after years of not attending. I was overwhelmed by emotion that I was about to cry, but I was holding my tears. My dad and my best friend suddenly brushed to thought. I suddenly wished that they could be there with me to share the love that I found in Christ. A love that is so great that I was willing to forgo my pride and share the great love and peace I found in Him.
But then, I was afraid to want it too much that I might be seeking things not in God’s plan, so I surrendered my heart’s desire to God and my worries to Christ. Yes, for the first time, I surrendered it finally to my Lord—thinking, “May God’s will be done.” God knows what is in my heart, I won’t push for things in my plan to make way for greater things in His plans.
Coming out of church, feeling light and clean, challenged and loved. I spent the day contemplating about the Sunday message and spent the night in Prayer, again surrendering what was left of my personal wishes to make way for God’s plan.
Two days later, to my surprise, my best friend, asked me out for coffee. After months and months of not seeing each other two days after I surrendered an army of emotions suddenly rushed back. But this time, it was different. I knew that in my life Christ comes first.
After a night of prayer convicting myself that Christ comes first in my life, I saw him the next day. And I guess, the only thing different about the past and that moment was our maturity as Christians.
I was just expecting coffee, and I got dinner and a sight of the city in the night sky. It was a beautiful night and the most beautiful thing about it was seeing the better and improving people we were becoming as come to know Christ.
♪ ♫ ♬ Maybe we can make it if we’re heart to heart. ♪ ♫ ♬
We didn’t realize that after years of drifting apart and trying to find ourselves in either work, weird shallow relationships, senseless dating, that it was only through seeking Christ first that we’ll be together again.
The best thing now, is that when I see him, I see His plan for us. Because there is this weird inkling feeling I have that he’s the one I’m tied to the rib to. And yes, he and I might not end up together or we might (God only knows). He might not be the one I end up to marry. But I know that God sent him to me and me to him for us to both grow in Christ in preparation for greater things.
And one thing stands for certain, that we’re in each others lives for a Greater Purpose for His Plan.
♪ ♫ ♬And we can build this thing together, stand in stone forever, ♪ ♫ ♬
A beautiful purpose, to live life through the example of Christ and be each other’s guiding star. For the purpose of one day joining the Father in the kingdom in heaven.
Do you know how great that would feel? To have your best friend there with you beside Christ at peace in heaven. I think, that’s going to be great.
That’s why I think, of all the times, NOW more than ever, In God’s Name, through Christ, with the Holy Spirit nothing’s gonna stop us now. ♪ ♫ ♬
My parents were beyond paranoid when I was younger.
1. To go to the mall, and go out with my friends, I had a maid and a body guard.
2. Whenever I’d cross the streets just to go to my grandparents’ house, I had to had an escort to walk me across.
3. I was never allowed to stay overnight ANYWHERE. Someone would always come and pick me up and take me home.
Now, I could go on and on, on how my parents were strict on me, mean on me, how they disciplined me, placed me in cages, and enforced rules on me—but that would just bore you. I think what would be more valuable is for me to share how I overcame that.
I used to be an only child, before my sister came along. I was my family’s best treasured pet. I was their baby and as much as that would be appreciated, I have to admit that sometimes I felt a little strangled, choked, and sometimes crippled by that “love”.
When I got a little older I learned the following words: trust, protect, and control. And then, it struck me. The reason why there were always, always so strict with me, it was because they didn’t actually trust me to protect myself hence they were inclined to take matters to their own parental hands and control me.
See, it’s not bad. It was actually the best realization I had at that time for my dilemma.
The first step to solving a problem is knowing what it is. Hence when I knew it, freedom was but a few years away.
What did I do?
1. I started building mature relationships with my parents.
This meant, engaging in mature conversation with them. Letting them realize for themselves that I could already think on my own, and that I was capable of forming my own opinions, standing up for myself, and deciding for good things for myself.
I started talking to them about why there were so strict on me. And though this ended with a lot of arguments, one thing stood. I started to get information on them (though it hurt to hear a lot of not-so-kind words) on why they would not let me go.
They told me I was: irresponsible, immature, too-young, naive, and I cannot take care of myself. More so they did not trust the people who I was with.
2. I started living my life as a responsible daughter one that would know better to get out of harm’s way.
3. I became responsible.
I guess, the one thing we don’t always admit for ourselves is that if we act like a kid, don’t expect to be treated like an adult. Children whine and rant, scream and shout, throw temper tantrums and run-away from home, if you do any of those, do you really expect to be treated like a respectable adult?
It was when I was already starting to become responsible, consistently, that I gained my parents’ trust and in return, they gave me my freedom.
Do note that it took a few years to gain this, but then again, it was a good price to pay for my own growth, my parent’s ease of mind, and God’s greater plan.
Now, I can go anywhere as I please because they know that I can take care of myself. And I guess, that’s all our parents really want. All they want is their children to grow up: independently, inter-dependently, and Christ-centered.
Now, they let me go anywhere I please be it here or out of the country, because they know that:
3. I won’t do anything stupid or irrational like gamble away my money, get drunk, do drugs, or do anything that my ruin my life and future.
2. I can decide for myself and my decision will be for the good of myself and the people around me.
1. For all that I do, I have fear for the Lord and love for Christ.
See, children, it is our parents’ responsibility to take care of us, as much as we think we can, UNTIL the day that they can FEEL that for themselves they will never truly let you go. For whatever happens to US they are accountable to God. :)
Proverbs 19:18 Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.
Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Proverbs 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.
Proverbs 23:13-14 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.
Proverbs 29:15 The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.
Proverbs 29:17 Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.
Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
The trick is to try and work your way to their hearts and their trusts. Be kind to them, because they worry a lot about you (even if they express it or not).
Ephesians 4:32a Be kind and compassionate to one another.
Exodus 20:12: Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”
REMEMBER: that no matter what, we must always have reverence and respect for our parents.
Colossians 3:20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
Proverbs 13:1 A wise son heeds his father’s instruction, but a mocker does not listen to rebuke.
And, during circumstances that your parents are REALLY IMPOSSIBLE, then please do not fight fire with fire. Fight fire with prayer, fight fire with LOVE from God through Christ.
Because God’s love allows forgiveness not revenge:
Ephesians 4:32: Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Colossians 3:13: Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Romans 12:17-21: If someone has done you wrong, do not repay him with a wrong. Try to do what everyone considers to be good. Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody. Never take revenge, my friends, but instead let God’s anger do it. For the scripture says, “I will take revenge, I will pay back, says the Lord.” Instead, as the scripture says: “If your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them a drink; for by doing this you will make them burn with shame.” Do not let evil defeat you; instead, conquer evil with good.
Because with God NOTHING is impossible:
Matthew 19:26: Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Because God’s love SOLVES all things:
1 Corinthians 13:
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails.
And if we believe in the same God (my one and Only God) then, nothing should be impossible through Christ our Lord.
